To Be or Not to Be . . . Balanced

Dani Beckerman, Psy.D.
CPA CLASP Chair

Reprinted with permission from the California Psychological Association and The California Psychologist.

Balance is an easy concept to grasp and a much more difficult one to practice. Balance is a state of being in which our lives, our work, and our relationships are attended to with a presence of mind, a conservation of resources, and perceived sense of fit. Our health and well-being will be improved by cultivating and revitalizing our internal, external, and natural resources through the practices of gratitude, forgiveness, and mindfulness. This in turn will enhance balance, self care, and holistic health by reducing stress, conflict, and resentment.

Balance and well-being: how do we cultivate a healthy self, family, and community in a world with economic instability, war, declining health care systems, withering natural resources, global warming, and continual models of conflict, hostility, and unrest? Even though we are met with multiple challenges there are opportunities for cultivating balance and growth.

Gratitude and forgiveness are practices taught by Fred Luskin, PhD (April, 2008). In our society where disrespect and hostility are encountered daily and widely tolerated skills of forgiveness, mindfulness and gratitude can help us not get caught up in these toxic encounters. Luskin explores the concept of gratitude and refocusing on the heroic aspects of ourselves versus getting caught up in negative ruminations and things outside our control. He suggests opening up your heart to someone or something that brings love, hope, and grounding, and then breathing into this image, a sense of calm, peacefulness and happiness will awaken. From this place, take a moment and think about what you are grateful for. Luskin states, “I’m grateful for breathing.” How basic and yet not. We get so caught up in our daily stressors, our wants and desires, the injustices that occur during the day that, at times, we may forget that we are alive and that we have more power in our worlds then we imagine. Luskin explores the concept of forgiveness and that it’s for us; we hold the anguish, the grudge, and the ill feelings of anger. We create the secondary issue in which we live. The initial insult has passed. Now this is what we are doing to ourselves. By personalizing, blaming, and playing the victim, we create a lack of self care, wellness or balance. He notes that we stimulate a different part of our brain when we have gratitude versus anger, hostility or fear and suggests a gratitude exercise. Twice a day for 30 seconds, open yourself up to (be aware of) what you feel grateful for. Our coping strategies emerge from the region of our brain that is stimulated.

This leads into the work recently presented by Daniel Siegel, MD (February, 2008). He highlights the essential practice of mindfulness as a path to wellness, self care, and balance. According to Siegel, mindfulness cultivates new growth and connections in our brain which are associated to our abilities to regulate our emotions, enhance our self observing capacity, reduce stress, decrease impulsivity, increase emotional attunement and empathy, and thus, evolve psychologically and relationally. How great is that.

Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D. (1990) who created the Mindfulness Stress Reduction Program also discusses the importance of mindfulness and well-being. He refers to mindfulness as moment to moment awareness without judgment and being present and in the now. How often are you somewhere other than now, rehearsing or rehashing (Stahl, 2005). Engaging in mindful practices has been shown to decrease stress and widen the gap between stimulus and response. Having more moment to moment awareness without judgment allows us to be more sensitive, responsible and respectful with the choices we make, how we live our lives, and the coping strategies we put into place. Balance begins with being present to the different realms and relationships in our lives, learning how to cultivate and nurture our internal and external resources, and validating our experiences without judgment.

References

Luskin, F.M. (April 25, 2008). "Forgive for Good Workshop." Aptos CA.

Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). "Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness." New York: Random House.

Siegel, D. (February 29, 2008). Keynote Presenter. The Jon E. Nadherny/Calciano Memorial Youth Symposium. "Reflections on Resiliency: The Mindful Brain and the Cultivation of Emotional and Social Intelligence." Santa Cruz, CA.

Stahl, R. & Flowers, S. (2005). "Mindful Living Program Retreat." Common Wheel, CA.

Bio

Dani Beckerman, Psy.D., chairs CPA’s CLASP and has a private practice in Santa Cruz, specializing in self care, sexuality, intimacy and desire. She has taught on these topics across the Bay area. Dr. Beckerman is active in developing collaborative communities of support and consultation groups for health care professionals.